Do I need to forget everything I know to find love?
Today I realized I am a a-hole and a burden. Working to fix that. I sometimes want to fit in that I dominate conversations. I tend to speak my mind with no filter. I had no idea how much of a wake that I leave. I don’t do it to be mean. I don’t need to be honest all the time. I can sit back and listen. Sometimes you need to give people comfort more than honesty. I discovered this while listening to a self help book. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I also want to be my own boss. I need to monitor my work. It just piles up. I have binders and binders full of pieces. I do art for my soul. I need to sell that art to take care of my family.
Another long tough day. I am thinking of giving up my daily posts. I am so tired but I only have another couple of months and I have done a piece for 3 years straight. Need to make it to the end., Then I will decide what I will do.
Been a long day. Selling little bits of my soul until there’s nothing left. Even though I am feeling depressed I was inspired by the netflix series Abstract. It made me want to do more art. I thought of this piece last night as I was watching an episode. It turned out almost the way I envisioned. I would do a few more drafts until it was more polished. I do like the rawness of it. slept three hours last night I hope I fare better tonight. Stress is horrible on sleep.
Remember world in the darkness the stars shine Brighter
So bust today i posted something on Instagram and am to busy to see in anyone like it. I wish it was for fun reason but no just work. Plus tired. Haven’t been sleeping well again. Need to get some sleep. My kids did make me laugh with their protests about going back to school tomorrow. The have really been enjoying their break.
We need to stop drawing lines and start handing out hugs.
Dying from a headache. I’ve had my head over a pot of simmering water for over an hour. I call these boiling my head. It’s old school but it works. When it’s really bad I apply a ice compress to my head. The hot and cold fight each other. This was the best I could meek out tonight. I hope to wake up with a clear head in the morning.
I am humbled and broken like the seashells on the beach.
Took a walk on the beach today. I have been listening to Ryan Adams Prisoner all day. It’s a great album. So excited. I wish I could see him in concert this year. When I get to the West coast he will be on the east coast. I have a lot on my mind about the state of my life right now. Where am I headed? Todays piece was inspired by the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked along the beach. I feel like my life is going sideways. I’m not moving forward or even backwards. I am on a weird trajectory right now. I miss being in California. I miss the energy. I like living in a city. We are looking for a trailer right now to move all our stuff back to California. We’ll hit a few national parks along the way. I think it would give the kids a fun summer. I am planning all this stuff without a dollar in my pocket. I live so much in the clouds. I have to get my act together if I am going to make this happen. Need to find some work. Need to sell everything that we can to cut down on weight. I can only haul so much stuff with our Honda Pilot.
Coming back to my childhood home has humbled me. It has broken me in so many ways. This is going to be a tough year to get through. I have come to realize I can’t do everything at once. I have to finish one project and move on after it’s done. I am so spread out right now. I have to focus on getting one project done. It will make me feel so much better. on a good note the wife and I are growing stronger in our relationship. I am rambling. Need to spend time with the kids before they head off too bed. Would be nice to watch a movie with the wife.