Dear Hate
Dear Hate,
Hey in case you weren’t aware of the bridge I burnt I’m mailed you the ashes
Sunday is spend time with family day. Trying to keep it together each day. Going through some rough times. Was able to buy toilet paper so things are looking up. Enjoy the ones you love they may be the only thing you have left one day.
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Moment to say sorry
It only
takes a
moment
in the dark
to say
sorry
It’s been a long day. It started with one simple mistake and kept building from there. I am close to crying. I have reached the end of my rope. I am trying to do this blog while my wife tries to get our three year old to sleep. He keeps wanting to know what I am doing. I have enough coffee in the morning to make a cup. I pray tomorrow is better. We need a small miracle.
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Drawing lines
We need to stop drawing lines and start handing out hugs.
Dying from a headache. I’ve had my head over a pot of simmering water for over an hour. I call these boiling my head. It’s old school but it works. When it’s really bad I apply a ice compress to my head. The hot and cold fight each other. This was the best I could meek out tonight. I hope to wake up with a clear head in the morning.
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Humbled and broken
I am humbled and broken like the seashells on the beach.
Took a walk on the beach today. I have been listening to Ryan Adams Prisoner all day. It’s a great album. So excited. I wish I could see him in concert this year. When I get to the West coast he will be on the east coast. I have a lot on my mind about the state of my life right now. Where am I headed? Todays piece was inspired by the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked along the beach. I feel like my life is going sideways. I’m not moving forward or even backwards. I am on a weird trajectory right now. I miss being in California. I miss the energy. I like living in a city. We are looking for a trailer right now to move all our stuff back to California. We’ll hit a few national parks along the way. I think it would give the kids a fun summer. I am planning all this stuff without a dollar in my pocket. I live so much in the clouds. I have to get my act together if I am going to make this happen. Need to find some work. Need to sell everything that we can to cut down on weight. I can only haul so much stuff with our Honda Pilot.
Coming back to my childhood home has humbled me. It has broken me in so many ways. This is going to be a tough year to get through. I have come to realize I can’t do everything at once. I have to finish one project and move on after it’s done. I am so spread out right now. I have to focus on getting one project done. It will make me feel so much better. on a good note the wife and I are growing stronger in our relationship. I am rambling. Need to spend time with the kids before they head off too bed. Would be nice to watch a movie with the wife.
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Wash away my stress
Wash away my stress
wash away my grime
until there’s nothing let but my love
Today was one of those days that sucked the motivation right out of me. I used it as a excuse to not work on my book. I need to finish the book. I need to fight the resistance. I can’t let it get the better of me. I don’t want to be controlled by my fear of success. Tomorrow I need to take control of my day.
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Burn up the day
let’s burn up the day holding each other
Took care of all four kids tonight since the wife is at work. The wind is really howling outside. the painting over the fireplace mantle is rattling. It’s been a long day. Earlier I helped my dad put in a new front door at his place. Will be ready for bed tonight.
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Don’t know the lyrics
I don’t sing
I don’t know the damn lyrics
but when we lay together we know the beat
my god, do we know the beat
I hope to keep loving you every day like the day we got married. Let’s keep the passion flowing even when we are old and grey. I am very tired and just noticed the piece needed a little work. May have to retool the piece tomorrow. I wouldn’t mind doing this whole piece in shades of red. I don’t like the color scheme so much but I was trying to stay away from red. Gustav Klimt did incredible pieces representing love using gold. The gold watercolor I have looks more like sand than gold. If the figures were dark blue I think the color scheme would have worked better. That’s the best part about art I can create a piece and then rework it a hundred ways. Each one feeling different from the others.
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