My happiness should not be based on how many green lights I get through. My happiness should not be based on how much work I get. My happiness should not be based on how other perceive me. I have a lot still to grow. I wanted to send my mother a nice bouquet of flowers for mothers day. The company completely messed up the order. It won’t get there until tuesday. They blamed me for picking the wrong day. They couldn’t cancel or fix the problem until they are delivered 3 days from now. I guess it takes three days to deliver flowers. I want to get upset. I want to chew on that bit of anger all day but I let it go. My mom will still love me even if the flowers come late. If you bury love it looks like there is growth above ground but there is only death. Each time I draw a heart I dig up a heart i buried a long time ago.
I am tired. My youngest kid is teething. He is getting up through the night no matter what we do. When I get tired I don’t do a lot of work. When I don’t do a lot of work I get a depressed. I base a lot of my happiness on the amount of work I can get done. That isn’t what I should base my life on. This morning I heard him laughing in his sleep. If you have ever heard a baby laugh in their sleep you know it’s one of greatest sounds. What should I base my happiness on? If everything is good or if I am making money or have lots of friends? As I get older its not really any of those things at the core. The core of happiness is how much am I growing love in my heart. The more love I grow in my heart I find I don’t care about those things. What I care about is then showing people love and the strange thing is the more I do that the better my life seems and the happy I am. I have to keep drawing these hearts each day to remind myself what is important, love is important.
Last night I had restless sleep. I kept having the same bad dream over and over. I am exhausted today. I started drawing hearts on a page and it led to this. I like it. The gift shop sign is my favorite. I should of colored it in. I used watercolor pencil to draw the hearts in the painting. Then I used a wet brush to blend them all together. Some of the hearts completely disappeared. I need to get to bed a little early tonight. I spent to much time last night reading about adwords. Also I am planning on moving the site to another hosting account. I was trying to figure out how to do that. It made me sleepy reading about data transfers from one server to another. Remember to see love every day.
I loved Richard Scarry books when I was a kid. I like the crazy energy of this picture. (though I don’t have his talent) I just have to keep practicing. Today I was at the park with my kids trying to get pictures for my mom for Mother’s Day. Which is not easy when you have four kids. There was just stress in getting the kids homework done so we could focus on the pictures. I was getting cranky that we weren’t getting the pictures. They my daughter slid down a slide and told she loved me. I decided to relax after that. Then I had a good time. Got the pictures. Even though my first drawing of the night got ruined I kept a good attitude. So even though my drawing is rudimentary I am happy with it.
This is when you hit bottom and there seems to be no future. I wanted you to know there is love at that moment for you. You can’t see it but it’s there. I am telling to to strive on. You will find down the road so much love in your life that it will freak you out how much you can be loved. If you seek out love every day it will find you. I draw a heart each day to remind myself of the love in my life. The love that makes me live for every day. To strive to be greater than I am. To live a life I can be proud off when I die. I am not there yet but I trying.
I am both physical tired and mentally tired. I’ve had some dark and stormy days this past year. Now it’s time for the rainbow. For the promise of new life. No matter how bad things got I just kept plowing ahead. I knew sooner or later the weather would break. It’s amazing how love breaks through that storm cloud with awe inspiring beauty.
Every thing in life is connected. I wish every thing in this life was connected by love. We need more love in this world. I am tired of people having to be right. Some times being right doesn’t get you anything. I would rather be loving than right. I had a productive day today and finished a few jobs up. I am starting a new job tomorrow. It’s only a couple of days long which is nice. I really don’t like long jobs. I am weird that way. I drew this heart tonight as I watched Jimmy Fallon. Tomorrow I am going to focus on being more loving. The secret to a happy life be loving. At least I think it is.