My leg is killing me. I need to rest. I have no idea what is going with it. It just starting hurting out of the blue. I don’t remember smashing it. I hope it isn’t a bug bite. My foot feels a little swollen. Let’s hope I sleep. Time to hit the hay and dream about love. Care about love. Draw a heart.
Have I become a more loving person after drawing hearts for a year and writing about love. I think I have become a little more loving. I have a long way to go. I am proud I stick with it. There were many nights I didn’t want to do anything but lay around binge watching tv. I have learned about hosting a website. I have learned about social media. I have learned about advertising my site. I have paid for ads. I have begged my friends to look at my blog. I have grown as a person. I have put in a few hundred hours this year. At this pace I guess in 20 years I will be a expert in being a loving person. I can only hope. Only 9,500 more hours to go. The most important thing is my family knows I am trying to love them more. I can only hope next year more people will draw hearts and think about being more loving.
My happiness should not be based on how many green lights I get through. My happiness should not be based on how much work I get. My happiness should not be based on how other perceive me. I have a lot still to grow. I wanted to send my mother a nice bouquet of flowers for mothers day. The company completely messed up the order. It won’t get there until tuesday. They blamed me for picking the wrong day. They couldn’t cancel or fix the problem until they are delivered 3 days from now. I guess it takes three days to deliver flowers. I want to get upset. I want to chew on that bit of anger all day but I let it go. My mom will still love me even if the flowers come late. If you bury love it looks like there is growth above ground but there is only death. Each time I draw a heart I dig up a heart i buried a long time ago.
I am tired. My youngest kid is teething. He is getting up through the night no matter what we do. When I get tired I don’t do a lot of work. When I don’t do a lot of work I get a depressed. I base a lot of my happiness on the amount of work I can get done. That isn’t what I should base my life on. This morning I heard him laughing in his sleep. If you have ever heard a baby laugh in their sleep you know it’s one of greatest sounds. What should I base my happiness on? If everything is good or if I am making money or have lots of friends? As I get older its not really any of those things at the core. The core of happiness is how much am I growing love in my heart. The more love I grow in my heart I find I don’t care about those things. What I care about is then showing people love and the strange thing is the more I do that the better my life seems and the happy I am. I have to keep drawing these hearts each day to remind myself what is important, love is important.
Love is in the air. Only a few more days until my anniversary. I will be married for twenty one years. The beginning of the year was rough. Things were a little tense. The funny thing is right now we are having a great time. Love is never easy. You have to put the wok in. We went for a walk this evening and it was one of those great family nights. Were everyone is getting along. We are happy. It’s in these moments that I know I have everything. I really am a blessed man. I know that tomorrow that could all change. I have to take it one day at a time. Enjoy it while I can. Worrying about it isn’t going to do a thing. The best thing I can do is not be stressed. Which I can easily do. These days I am happy that I am so busy drawing these hearts each day. It gets me out of my on head and puts the focus on love. Draw a heart, think about love.
Last night I had restless sleep. I kept having the same bad dream over and over. I am exhausted today. I started drawing hearts on a page and it led to this. I like it. The gift shop sign is my favorite. I should of colored it in. I used watercolor pencil to draw the hearts in the painting. Then I used a wet brush to blend them all together. Some of the hearts completely disappeared. I need to get to bed a little early tonight. I spent to much time last night reading about adwords. Also I am planning on moving the site to another hosting account. I was trying to figure out how to do that. It made me sleepy reading about data transfers from one server to another. Remember to see love every day.
I loved Richard Scarry books when I was a kid. I like the crazy energy of this picture. (though I don’t have his talent) I just have to keep practicing. Today I was at the park with my kids trying to get pictures for my mom for Mother’s Day. Which is not easy when you have four kids. There was just stress in getting the kids homework done so we could focus on the pictures. I was getting cranky that we weren’t getting the pictures. They my daughter slid down a slide and told she loved me. I decided to relax after that. Then I had a good time. Got the pictures. Even though my first drawing of the night got ruined I kept a good attitude. So even though my drawing is rudimentary I am happy with it.
This is when you hit bottom and there seems to be no future. I wanted you to know there is love at that moment for you. You can’t see it but it’s there. I am telling to to strive on. You will find down the road so much love in your life that it will freak you out how much you can be loved. If you seek out love every day it will find you. I draw a heart each day to remind myself of the love in my life. The love that makes me live for every day. To strive to be greater than I am. To live a life I can be proud off when I die. I am not there yet but I trying.