How I feel

love art
love art
How I feel
after seeing
you

Spent the whole day fighting a migraine. The guys at work felt sorry for me. I was able to break through the other side around 4pm. I had a teacher conference for my oldest daughter. I filed for our new health insurance. I am exhausted. Need a good night sleep. Will need to snuggle with the wife tonight. That always makes me feel better.

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Every morning

every morning love
every morning love
Every morning I need your love

I need love more and more in my life. Without love I can feel the very fabric of life disintegrating around me. I once was content to being alone. Now I’m addicted to love. I’ve had some of the pure stuff. The love that gives you that goofy grin. Love that makes you believe in the human race. I had a rough day hauling the 4 kids around all by myself as we hit the black friday sales. Nothing like chasing a 3 year old around stores because He thought the new game was run and hide. SO feeling a little exhausted. It was nice to get a hug from the wife when I came home. She saw how beaten up I was and made me soup from last nights turkey. In the last two days I have enjoyed family and chased deals on stuff. I have found no matter how trying family can be it doesn’t compare to the soul sucking that comes from shopping for stuff. Stuff that may only be used once. I need to spend some time to night snuggling with the wife.

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Where where should I go?

drawing of a heart
drawing of a heart
The beach?
No.
The mountains?
no.
Big city party?
No.
Your heart?
Yes.

Happy to be feeling better. Sunday I was in intense pain. Had to go to the hospital. Ended up passing a kidney stone monday morning. It was about half the size of a pea. Very thankful to have family to love me. Happy to have loved ones to take care of my family while I was sick. I was a grumpy Gus the whole time. Haven’t slept in the last few days. Very tired. Time to hit the hay. Enjoy tonights drawing.

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Not alone

love
love
I don’t want to be alone. You don’t have to

Having fun playing with shapes. I also wanted to experiment with negative space. This was a fun quick piece. I was thinking are we ever truly alone? I think we make ourselves alone more than we are actually alone. There is always more people in our life that love us than we care to admit. At least that is how it is in my life. Lately life has been a little dark for me I am hoping I can brighten it up this summer.

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Do I need to?

love
love
Do I need to forget everything I know to find love?

Today I realized I am a a-hole and a burden. Working to fix that. I sometimes want to fit in that I dominate conversations. I tend to speak my mind with no filter. I had no idea how much of a wake that  I leave. I don’t do it to be mean. I don’t need to be honest all the time. I can sit back and listen. Sometimes you need to give people comfort more than honesty. I discovered this while listening to a self help book. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I also want to be my own boss. I need to monitor my work. It just piles up. I have binders and binders full of pieces. I do art for my soul. I need to sell that art to take care of my family.

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pile of debris

love
love
only you could find love in this pile of debris

Feeling like a pile of debris tonight. Today was one of those days were I keep my head down and do the work. I try to forget who I am for a little while. I try to forget about all my struggles. I need to make some hard decisions so. Life is going by so fast. I just feel no support today. Need to have a drink. Watch something funny and hope for a good night sleep. Maybe tomorrow I will feel more loved.

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Dear Hate

hate, love
hate, love
Dear Hate,
Hey in case you weren’t aware of the bridge I burnt I’m mailed you the ashes

Sunday is spend time with family day. Trying to keep it together each day. Going through some rough times. Was able to buy toilet paper so things are looking up. Enjoy the ones you love they may be the only thing you have left one day.

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Moment to say sorry

love, sorry
love, sorry
It only
takes a
moment
in the dark
to say
sorry

It’s been a long day. It started with one simple mistake and kept building from there. I am close to crying. I have reached the end of my rope. I am trying to do this blog while my wife tries to get our three year old to sleep. He keeps wanting to know what I am doing. I have enough coffee in the morning to make a cup. I pray tomorrow is better. We need a small miracle.

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Drawing lines

love, heart, hugs
love, heart, hugs
We need to stop drawing lines and start handing out hugs.

Dying from a headache. I’ve had my head over a pot of simmering water for over an hour. I call these boiling my head. It’s old school but it works. When it’s really bad I apply a ice compress to my head. The hot and cold fight each other. This was the best I could meek out tonight. I hope to wake up with a clear head in the morning.

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Humbled and broken

beach, love, lover
beach, love, lover
I am humbled and broken like the seashells on the beach.

Took a walk on the beach today. I have been listening to Ryan Adams Prisoner all day. It’s a great album. So excited. I wish I could see him in concert this year. When I get to the West coast he will be on the east coast. I have a lot on my mind about the state of my life right now. Where am I headed? Todays piece was inspired by the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked along the beach. I feel like my life is going sideways. I’m not moving forward or even backwards. I am on a weird trajectory right now. I miss being in California. I miss the energy. I like living in a city. We are looking for a trailer right now to move all our stuff back to California. We’ll hit a few national parks along the way. I think it would give the kids a fun summer. I am planning all this stuff without a dollar in my pocket. I live so much in the clouds. I have to get my act together if I am going to make this happen. Need to find some work. Need to sell everything that we can to cut down on weight. I can only haul so much stuff with our Honda Pilot.

Coming back to my childhood home has humbled me. It has broken me in so many ways. This is going to be a tough year to get through. I have come to realize I can’t do everything at once. I have to finish one project and move on after it’s done. I am so spread out right now. I have to focus on getting one project done. It will make me feel so much better. on a good note the wife and I are growing stronger in our relationship. I am rambling. Need to spend time with the kids before they head off too bed. Would be nice to watch a movie with the wife.

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