Spent the day doing projects around the house. Trying to fight off this wave of depression. The year is ending and I feel unaccomplished. I need to finish a creative project before the year is over. I’m thankful for the loving support of my family during this time. Would be a lot more depressed. I’m very proud of this piece.
This drawing isn’t about physical death, it’s about death to oneself. I have been married for 24 years. I think this concept rings true if one wants to stay with someone for a long time. It’s hard to be in a relationship when you put ourself first all the time. I know this because I can be pretty selfish. I’m very lucky that my wife has put up with me for this long. It’s been rough since we have moved out to the east coast to help family. I haven’t helped them out as much as it’s helped me. I have had to do some big time adulting. (as the kids say) Many days I have been broken. Out of those broken pieces is growing a person that is more loving. I hope. It looks like we will be stuck out here for a year while trying to raise funds to get back. Getting rid of our rent controlled apartment in Hollywood was a big mistake. I’m learning from these failures. I plan to do release a few projects. I could be setting myself up for some big time failing or maybe just maybe I will succeed. I have no idea what that’s like but it would be nice to feel success. some day.
Today’s piece marks me doing this for three years straight. This will be my last piece for awhile. I have had fun. It’s been stressful doing a piece every day no matter what. I have grown a lot. I will do a piece from time to time. I’m starting some new projects that will take up more of my time. Plus I am gearing up for a big move. Keep loving each day.
Love is waking up at five in the morning and instead of trying to get more sleep you get up to go buy doughnuts. So everyone you care about has a special treat to start their day. Their happiness makes you happy. Keeping doing loving acts for one another.
I’m so tired I am almost in tears. One good thing I uncovered a reoccurring pattern that happens each night that I have to eliminate. I need to focus on having a system not goals. Each night when I go over my days accomplishments I only get stressed out. Instead I need to focus on all the things I do daily to move forward. Keep the positive in my mind. The stress is destroying my sleep. Some weeks I am barely getting 28 hours. An that is a good night if I get 4 hours. Some nights I only get 2. This is a growing pain for the life I’m trying to grow into. Ok I need to try to sleep. I haven’t had any fluids since 4 pm. praying for a good night sleep.
Stressful day. My daughter had a melt down at school. i had to go get her. She was so tired that she fell asleep in the car on the way home.Between being sick and having allergies she hasn’t been getting enough sleep. Plus she doesn’t want to eat anything. So I bought her a beanie boo to make her feel better. She also got to pick out the candy of her choice. She was very happy after that. It was quite a day of adulting.
Very tired. You are bound to have one of those days when you have four kids. Last night all of them had something going on. From being sick to nightmares. I don’t think I slept more than half hour. I did create a new piece just for my new site forlovepeople.com today. I want to set it apart as much as possible. I want it to be a site of powerful love notes. my throat feels scratchy so I am going to try and get to bed early. Have a goodnight every one.
in the last 72 hours I have slept less than 8. I’m very tired. The whole family drove to New York City for an audition. I had a screaming headache. It was pouring rain. It was cold. We didn’t have umbrellas. The drive up was actually easy. OI stopped at a redox and the kids watched The secret life of pets. That really helped out. Then we made it to Staton Island with no problem. We did have a little problem parking. Once we found the place it was easy. The guy at the parking garage was helpful. The we took the ferry. I would like to say it was the beginning of the magic spell that lead us to loving New York City.
The subway was a little confusing. The lady in the booth was helpful. She even googled where we were going on her on phone to make sure we were going the right way. The audition went well. Killion who can be a crank dialed up the cute. I couldn’t believe how well he did. It was also the first audition for my nephew. He did ok. We won’t hear about a callback for a few days. I’m hoping for one. Then we had lunch. We did get lucky for a little bit afterwards and it stopped raining. We got to enjoy Times Square. By the time we got to Rockefeller Center it was raining. The wind had kicked up. All the kids got soaked. They then wanted to go home. We will have to go back when the weather is nicer. It was magical seeing all the lights reflecting in the pools of water. I had been on many sets in Los Angeles that were suppose to be New York City. None really do the girl justice. The kids even enjoyed walking around. The wife started noticing peoples shoes. Which made me giddy. She isn’t much of a fashion person. She is mom mode with our four kids all the time it was nice to hear her talking about clothes for herself.
There’s a lot of people in New York city. People didn’t really jump out to help us. Though when we asked everyone was very nice. One lady I thought was going to give us money when she found out we had to take another subway ride because we went the wrong direction. I love city living. New York is the king of cities. At least that’s how I think. I did look over craiglists posting for an apartment today. I was still under the spell. The rent is close to Los Angeles prices. I could see myself living there some day.
I was sitting at a light waiting for the green arrow. Lost in my thoughts. I keep thinking where did I go wrong. Did I make a wrong turn. Did I stop when I should of being going. Then it dawned on my I had gone exactly where I wanted to go. I didn’t get the result I wanted. Much like the store I was headed to that proved to be closed. Someone had gone home earl. I had no control of what had happened. The only control I had was my reaction. I went down the street to grab a nice cold drink. I have a wife that loves me. Great kids.I know who I am. I know what makes me happy. I have a lot going for me. More than I sometimes think. I need to spend the new year focused on having positive thoughts about my life.
You don’t realize how much wind there is at the beach until you live there. It’s like I am in Withering Heights. The front door is rattling. I’m doing much better today. I process bad news very quickly. I feel sorry for people that spend their days hating people. Me I want to spend my days smiling. Eating good food. Having a nice drink. Surrounded by people I love. I would like it to be warm as a bonus. I think this will be our last winter. I am sure we are going to pack up once the kids school ends. I don’t know when I will ever be back home. If the kids weren’t doing so well we would be gone. I want to spend the day focusing on being positive and proactive. I need to have a busy weekend writing. I need to finish my book. I may sneak of to the library to get work done. I love my family but they can slow production down. I get caught up in all their crazy adventures. I need a good night sleep. A little snuggle time with the wife and all should be well.
I wanted to do a drawing since Leonard Cohen passed away. I want to complain about the people below me but I won’t. The cookie will crumble no matter what I do. I am going to sit at the table and enjoy my life no matter what. My life has been a little crazy but I wanted to draw a piece inspired by a Leonard Cohen song. I was finally able to get one done. I discovered his music a few years ago. It changed me. For awhile all I would do was listen to Leonard Cohen. I can’t believe he is gone. For me I haven’t know him very long and it seems to soon. Like losing a friend you meet on a weekend retreat. I think we are leaning out for love. I think we all lean out for love forever. It’s our nature. I am going out to see Dr. Strange tonight. It would have been a great movie to see in Hollywood with all my nerd friends. Instead I am going to the theater alone. I then am driving back to a place alone. I don’t feel at home. I haven’t felt at home in Delaware. Maybe when we get our own place. It has been hard to find a place to rent. No one seems to want to rent to people with cats.In the end it I may have to buy a place. I have so much to think about.