It should be you me sandwich but I like the sound of me you sandwich better. I haven’t been feeling well lately. Really tired. I was mudding a wall today and the pan felt so heavy. I don’t know if it’s a lack of sleep. The hose to our RV froze last night. I woke up to no water. It had dropped below freezing last night and our hose hook up cost 230 dollars is suppose to heat up when it gets cold. It shouldn’t freeze unless its 45 below zero. Well it can’t work if the outlet its hooked up to dies. Which is what happened. I got a new GFI outlet at work today. Will replace tomorrow. Not a big fan of the cold. I can’t wait to get back to Southern California.
Spent the day doing projects around the house. Trying to fight off this wave of depression. The year is ending and I feel unaccomplished. I need to finish a creative project before the year is over. I’m thankful for the loving support of my family during this time. Would be a lot more depressed. I’m very proud of this piece.
Feeling stuck. Not living the life I want to live right now. I need to get off the mat. The terrible thing is I knocked myself down. I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. One thing I have learned if I don’t have a plan each day my life goes off kilter. Quick. I end up wasting time on social media. I need to focus on finishing projects. Work. Work. Work is going to set my free. Only by completing things will I truly move ahead. I need to self all the ideas that run through my head each day and focus on finishing the one.
Working on getting our stuff consolidated down to fit in a 29 foot trailer. It’s not easy. We lived in an a apartment for almost 20 years. Sometimes I miss the space. I do like a nice kitchen. I am hoping setting up a grill area will solve that problem. The kids don’t mind to much. Having a space for all their clothes has been the biggest problem with them. They run around and play any where. I spent to much of the day working on moving my stuff around instead of projects that can bring income in. I need to make finishing projects my main priority each day. I want to finish a bunch of projects that could bring in passive income in. I filmed are 7th youtube video. It didn’t go well. The kids kept distracting me. I ended up not filming parts. That I thought I had filmed but must of not hit the record button. Got stressed out. I need to plan my days out better.
I keep exploring what it means to be immersed in love. For someone married over 20 years this is a thought I keep returning to. My wife and I have survived being married longer than a lot of our friends which amazes me. So many of our friends had what I thought better marriages yet they ended in divorce. We aren’t a very mushy couple. Many people thought we won’t last very long. I don’t know why one marriage or relationship last longer than another. We have had some very rough times in our marriage. We try to resolve things quickly. I think one of the things we have done right is to not hide our true feelings. If we are mad we express ourselves. We haven’t let things brew for years. The only thing I can say is that if you stay married long enough the bad times are dwarfed by the passionate times. There are some great years were we drank each other in deeply.
In four months I will be married 23 years. It seems like only yesterday. I still want to chase her around the room but all those kids we have get in the way now. I can’t imagine a life without her. She still annoys me. I love to bug her. We have made some beautiful children. I can’t imagine this world without them. Every single day I love seeing their smiles. Today has been a long day. I am very tired. My throat hurts. I think I’m a little sick. Need to get to sleep but I am waiting for my wife to come back to the bedroom. Need a little snuggle time before bed.
Very tired. You are bound to have one of those days when you have four kids. Last night all of them had something going on. From being sick to nightmares. I don’t think I slept more than half hour. I did create a new piece just for my new site forlovepeople.com today. I want to set it apart as much as possible. I want it to be a site of powerful love notes. my throat feels scratchy so I am going to try and get to bed early. Have a goodnight every one.
I have stared at the keys on my keyboard until they became blurry. I’m working on moving this site to another one. I want to try another name to see if it gets more traction. I have been doing this for years and I barley get any views. I bang my head against the wall wondering what am I doing wrong. That’s enough about me. I do see a light at the tunnel. Though a long way off. My wife got a job today. That was a huge deal. A big help to this family. I think we may just be able to get out of this pit we are in.
My only hope is people find a little love in their lives. Draw a heart. Show love.
Even I have grown weary of my begging/ crowdfunding. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse or at least a horse no one wants. I really need to focus on the marketing of a crowdfunding campaign. Maybe a silly video would be better for sharing. I will keep trying sooner or later something will hit. Keep trying just keep trying. What is the definition of insane again? Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. Oh, then I am insane. That’s what I keep doing. The truth I think that’s what most dreamers do. That is why a overnight success takes years. Lots of years sometimes. I am going to lay on my bed for awhile staring at the ceiling.
Even when you are in a pit one can still dream. Hitting some rough times right now. A friend from Los Angeles passed away the other day. He was only 42. He was incredibly sweet guy. When he came over to our apartment building to visit his girl friend my kids would beg to play with him. He was someone who I could trust with my kids. He didn’t;t tell anyone he was sick. It has me spinning. Then other friends of mine baby is in the hospital. It can’t eat. They have her on an IV. So scary. I’m praying for them. I hate seeing children sick. My problems right now seem so small.
I have thought about selling my car and moving back to California. I know the kids need to finish school. We a half way through the school year. It will be over before I know it. I have a wife that loves me. My kids love me. We are all in good health. I just need to make a few bucks. I have the important things. I keep dreaming. I know that sounds stupid. But dreams have taken care of me for 19 years. Dreams and love can make so many things happen. One foot in front of another. Finish those projects. Time to make some money.
I was so bummed out today my daughter drew this picture of a monkey painting a heart. Enjoy.
Grateful for a day with the kids. It looks like I may take a job out of town. I would will be gone from my family during the week. I would come on the weekends. I need the work. The bills are stacking up. I was hoping my gofundme campaign would bring in a little more money. When your back is against the wall you realize what is important. I have to take care of my family first. It will put some miles on my car. I pray it holds up. I will need to keep a laser focus during this time if I want to keep doing this blog. It will also slow down my plan of getting other projects done.
I was doing well but I hit a wall in my life. 2017 has to get better. I will try a few things during the week to see if I can make something happen local. But that has a very slim chance. I did have some creative break throughs today. So I am excited about stuff I will do in the future. After I do this job I would have leeway with my time. Which is also nice. My palm trees are looking good. If painting palm trees was a job I think I could make a living doing it. I am still learning to draw people. Especially hard for me is drawing people with movement. After looking at the picture I drew I think the guys neck is to long. I keep trying to get better. I will practice more rough sketching. I would like to try rough sketching people in public. It would push my to get better at drawing movement.
I did buy a nice new book on the subject. Sketching People by Lynne Chapman. I can’t wait to dig into it. Doing art has been an oasis for me this last couple of years. Every day there’s challenges how I overcome them is the important part. I can be angry or I can learn to look for a blessing. A lot of time a trail in my life blessed me down the road. I need to grab some dinner. Please consider giving to my ground me campaign.
one of the few times I changed it after posting the drawing on instagram. The ok. back to dancing wasn’t there when I posted it on instagram. AS I was getting ready for bed it came to me. I don’t know what I am going to do tomorrow. My life is a mess right now. I need to bring money in. My gofundme campaign isn’t getting any more pledges. I would love to run an ad but money is tight right now. I may start driving Uber tomorrow. I really have to get my act together. I have a lot of great ideas yet I waste my time on nonsense. The story of my life. I need a good nights sleep. Then I can make a decision in the morning. Here’s hoping I will get a good night sleep. It’s always a roulette wheel. I would love to be able to go to bed every night and get a solid eight hours. I would feel like Superman. Keep loving one another.
Day after day we should love each other. Instead we have gotten to this point were we want to be right more than we want to be loving. If we loved one another we would have to take some time to listen to the other person. To feel their pain. We would try to help that pain go away. Instead we can be right. We don’t have to listen because we are right. What can anyone offer if I am right? A lot. We can’t be right 100 percent of the time.
I once took the subway downtown to a art show. When I went to go home the machines wouldn’t take my card. I kept trying. In the end I went through the turnstiles. I needed to get home to watch my 4 kids so my wife could go to work. If she got fired from that job we couldn’t afford to live in our apartment. We could end up homeless. When I got off the subway the MTA police were there and asked to see my pass. I told them my story. They didn’t care. In fact the officer got confrontational. I even had printed receipts form the kiosks. The officer got in my face and told me that if I didn’t pay I could be arrested. (all over a 1.35)I was able to use an atm to pay the fare. Now my friend later thought the whole thing was unfair. But I told him the law doesn’t care. In fact according to the law I should never got on the subway and just walked home. (this was before Uber) This is why the law is blind.
I keep trying. Every single day to love a little more. TO be kind. It’s not always easy when you are struggling. You are being pulled in a hundred directions. I am hoping to raise money for my gofundme campaign. I want to keep sharing a loving thought each day with the world.
Struggling. Got home late from helping my dad at his house. Every time we touched the plumbing it started leaking. Had to run to Lowes a few times. We fixed each leak. That kind of sums up my life right now. Any time I touch any of my life it seems to be fall apart. I keep putting it back together. Maybe that is what happens when you get old.. Everything starts to fall apart. The only good thing I have going for me is the love of my family. My wife in particular. That woman keeps loving me more each day. I have no idea. I know I don’t deserve it. I can be hard to live with. I am moody. If I don’t finish my projects this year I am really going to be mad at myself.
I am grateful for my wife and kids. They keep me dreaming for a better future. I want to give them a better life. Not a worse one than I had. One thing they have is lots of love. They love their lives. I am the one that puts all the pressure on for more. I want to be more in the moment this year. I don’t want to be caught up in fear. 2017 is going to be great because I am going to make it.