Had to quit one job to take another. Even though I have quit a few jobs its never easy. I always want to make people happy. They weren’t happy I quit. I had to though the other job had only a few hours and paid less. I wish it would have worked. I am back to building things. My body is going to take some time to adjust. This weekend I really need to finish the illustrations for the kids book I wrote. I need to focus on what is important. I need to not get stop getting angry so easy. I want to be a more loving person. I want to make the world better place but it has to start at home. I need to make my home a better place.
I wish love was the only thing I did today. I am still getting use to doing construction again. Body is a little sore. I had to run to the grocery store. Then after I got home I found out the cat and lizard didn’t have food. So I had to run to the pet store. Just finished my bath . Now of to bed.
I want to live in a house full of love the bummer is I am currently leasing a house of pain. I hope the lease is up. I need to move on. Life has been rough for me lately. I pray it’s over. Nothing would make me happier than living in a house full of love with bright furniture. I would smile all day.
I talk a lot. One thing about people that talk a lot is we know when nobody wants to hear what you are saying. People right now don’t want to hear what I have to say. So I am going to sit quiet all alone in a dark room with just my thoughts.
A long frustrating day that ends up being uneventful. I’m failing at failing. These days I feel life I am only sliding backwards. I hope to catch a break at some point. At least I will keep disappointing people. Don’t have to worry about that. Trying to move forward. Surprised I did a drawing tonight. Didn’t feel like it. I will keep trying to succeed. I think I will put that on my tombstone.
Sunday is spend time with family day. Trying to keep it together each day. Going through some rough times. Was able to buy toilet paper so things are looking up. Enjoy the ones you love they may be the only thing you have left one day.
It’s been a long day. It started with one simple mistake and kept building from there. I am close to crying. I have reached the end of my rope. I am trying to do this blog while my wife tries to get our three year old to sleep. He keeps wanting to know what I am doing. I have enough coffee in the morning to make a cup. I pray tomorrow is better. We need a small miracle.
When you are up against a financial wall its easy to want and pray for money. The problem is when its all you care about. In the end it could cost you more ending that relationship than if you would have focused on the positive part. I believe the best way to be happy is to want love first. Then when money comes into play its second to what is most important. You will make better decisions. Ok I have hit a brick wall tonight. Very tired. Need to to get some sleep.
Lift. Lift. Work. Work. It was one of those days were there was no time for breaks. Didn’t have lunch. Mouth felt like cotton do to lack of water. Now I am trying to think about being a loving husband. I will be married 23 years in a few months. Love is quite complicated and simple at the same time. Todays piece was inspired by the song, Bad things by Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello. That passion you have when you are young and newly in love. It’s work but the passion can be there. Trying to finish up the days tasks early so I can spend time with the wife.
Been a long day. Selling little bits of my soul until there’s nothing left. Even though I am feeling depressed I was inspired by the netflix series Abstract. It made me want to do more art. I thought of this piece last night as I was watching an episode. It turned out almost the way I envisioned. I would do a few more drafts until it was more polished. I do like the rawness of it. slept three hours last night I hope I fare better tonight. Stress is horrible on sleep.
Sad to say this could be my last piece. I have to focus time on my family right now. I wish this blog got more views but right now I get very few people checking out my work. I put a lot of time and money into my work over the last couple of years. I was really hoping to do a piece every day for 3 years but its taking its toll on my personal life.
So bust today i posted something on Instagram and am to busy to see in anyone like it. I wish it was for fun reason but no just work. Plus tired. Haven’t been sleeping well again. Need to get some sleep. My kids did make me laugh with their protests about going back to school tomorrow. The have really been enjoying their break.
Dying from a headache. I’ve had my head over a pot of simmering water for over an hour. I call these boiling my head. It’s old school but it works. When it’s really bad I apply a ice compress to my head. The hot and cold fight each other. This was the best I could meek out tonight. I hope to wake up with a clear head in the morning.
Took a walk on the beach today. I have been listening to Ryan Adams Prisoner all day. It’s a great album. So excited. I wish I could see him in concert this year. When I get to the West coast he will be on the east coast. I have a lot on my mind about the state of my life right now. Where am I headed? Todays piece was inspired by the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked along the beach. I feel like my life is going sideways. I’m not moving forward or even backwards. I am on a weird trajectory right now. I miss being in California. I miss the energy. I like living in a city. We are looking for a trailer right now to move all our stuff back to California. We’ll hit a few national parks along the way. I think it would give the kids a fun summer. I am planning all this stuff without a dollar in my pocket. I live so much in the clouds. I have to get my act together if I am going to make this happen. Need to find some work. Need to sell everything that we can to cut down on weight. I can only haul so much stuff with our Honda Pilot.
Coming back to my childhood home has humbled me. It has broken me in so many ways. This is going to be a tough year to get through. I have come to realize I can’t do everything at once. I have to finish one project and move on after it’s done. I am so spread out right now. I have to focus on getting one project done. It will make me feel so much better. on a good note the wife and I are growing stronger in our relationship. I am rambling. Need to spend time with the kids before they head off too bed. Would be nice to watch a movie with the wife.